85 Corny Jokes Everyone Will Laugh at to Celebrate National Tell a Joke Day
No kidding: You're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—they're ideal for celebrating National Tell a Joke Day on August 16.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.” Belly up to some more bar jokes, here.
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Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. These are the 20 grammar corny jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Find the funniest joke ever with these daily life jokes you’ll want to share.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless. Don’t think that’s the funniest joke ever? These are the one-liners we know you’ll love.
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes. Here are some corny jokes from celebrities.
After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, “You mean, he was playing with birds?”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.
Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast. Can’t get enough of light bulb jokes? Try these 17.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes. Find the funniest joke for your Christmas party with these holiday jokes.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef! If your funny bone still needs tickling, here are the top jokes from comedy legends.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. Memorize these short corny jokes to be the hit at your next party.
Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved. These clever jokes will make you sound smart.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain. These cat memes will make you laugh every time.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines! These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill.
Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc already. Check out the funniest jokes about all 50 states.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up. You’ll laugh out loud at these other corny jokes about animals.
An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well.
Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks. Memorize these other hilarious animal puns.
Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.
What do you call shoes made of banana peels? Slippers.
Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle. Science takes on new meanings in these 16 hilarious physics jokes.
Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.
What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks! Here are more of our favorite corny jokes.
Why were the fish’s grades so bad? It was below sea level. These are the 36 best math jokes every nerd will appreciate.
Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.
What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers.
Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. Try not to choke laughing at these food jokes to share at the table.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. Learn the secrets to telling a great joke.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was fine—he woke up. You won’t be able to help but laugh at these 21 anti-jokes that are so unfunny that they’re funny.
What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, ”Is the bar tender here?”
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
What’s the best way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin. These puns will become your new favorite corny jokes.
What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night.
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder. If you love these corny jokes, try some of these cartoons about family life that will make yours seem less crazy.