Food Jokes

These funny food and vegetable jokes will fill you up with laughter.

We can’t make your kids eat their vegetables, but our food jokes for kids will help bring some laughs to the dinner table. Choose from all kinds of jokes including taco jokes and nut jokes.

Gluten Attack

Guy staring at an ambulance in front of Whole Foods: “Somebody must have accidentally eaten gluten.”

Fresh, Canned, or Frozen

A man’s bragging about his promotion to vice president got so out of hand even his wife was annoyed. “Look, being a vice president isn’t that special,” she said. “They...

Morning Tea

Q: What has T in the beginning, T in the middle, and T at the end? A: A teapot.

Tree Soda

Q: What is a tree’s favorite soda? A: Root Beer.

Faster Food

Q: Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? A: It's not fast food!

Food For Two

Starving after hours of driving nonstop, my husband and I pulled over at a truck stop. While he gassed up the car, I went into the restaurant and placed our...

Stolen Leek

Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit? He stopped to take a leek.

Food For Thought

My neighbor texted me, "I just made synonym buns!"

I texted back, "You mean like grammar use to make?" I haven't heard from her since.

Really Big Steaks

As we drove into Traverse City, Michigan, we were greeted by a billboard advertising a restaurant in town. Its claim: “Steaks 
bigger than an 8th Street pothole.”

Comfort Food

Q: Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?

A: A sheet cake.

Cheese factory

Q: What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? A: All that was left was de brie.

Always in the shop

Q: Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop? A: To make ends meat

High Roller

Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? A: He was on a roll!

Award-Winning Dessert

Q: Who's a dessert's favorite actor? A: Robert Brownie, Jr.

Red Bite, Green Bite

Q: When do you go at red and stop at green? A: When you’re eating a watermelon.

Turn that frown upside down

Q: What do you call cheese that is sad? A: Blue cheese.

Rock on!

What do you call blueberries playing the guitar? A jam session.

On the scene

Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective? A: He got to the root of every case.

Crabby!

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple!

And the Oscar Goes To…

Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener.

Loaf Laughs

Q. What's the difference between a shamrock and a bread knife that gets used a lot? A. The shamrock is a four-leaf clover, and the knife is a four-loaf cleaver.

Wiener Wiener

Q. What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race? A. Wow, I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Wheeee!

Q. Which thrill ride does a wine glass love to go on the most? A. A coaster! (Credit: justbadpuns.com)

Food Fortress

Q. How do you keep intruders out of a castle made of cheese? A. Moatzarella.  

All Up In Your Grill

Q. What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face? A. Too close for comfort food.

Tic Tac Dough

Did you hear the one about the guy who invented Tic Tacs? They say he made a mint.

Not Quite Cool as a Cucumber

Q. Which type of vegetable tries to be cool, but is only partly successful at it? A. The radish.

Pardon My French (Fries)

I can't stand potato puns. I think they're pomme de terrible.

Give Peas a Chance

Q. What do you call a round, green vegetable that breaks out of prison? A. An escapea.

Culturally Significant

Q. Why does yogurt love going to museums? A. Because it's cultured.

Spaghett Outta Here

Q. What do you call a fake noodle? A. An impasta.

That’s One Way to Do It

Person 1: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. Person 2: How?! Person 1: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

A Rotten Joke

SPOILER ALERT: That milk has been in the fridge for three weeks.

Paint Diet

Q: Why did the dieter go to the paint store? A: He wanted to get thinner.

How Sweet

Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A: Because they cantaloupe.

Grapes of Wrath

What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

He’s In the Grave-y

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

Thirst Quencher

Boy, I just got hit in the head with a can of soda. I was lucky it was a soft drink.

Whatta Ham

Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? A: Pulled-Pork.

Clam Up

I went to a seafood restaurant and slipped. I pulled a mussel.

Emotional Wedding

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

The Garnish King

Q: What do you call the king of vegetables? A: Elvis Parsley.

Egg-cellent

You know what’s hard to beat for breakfast? A boiled egg.

Better Latte Than Never

Spending a lot of time at the coffee bar can cause a latte problems.

funny hot dog

Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

Milking It

A guy just threw a glass of milk at me. How dairy!

Thyme to Laugh

I was going to grow an herb garden, but I couldn’t find the thyme.

Bananaphiles

The majority of Americans find bananas a peeling.

Pricey Candy

The price of candy at the movie theater is ridiculous. They're always raisinet!

Pancakes Vs. Waffles

Every morning I think I’m going to make pancakes, but I keep waffling.

Perfect Candy Canes

I love when candy canes are in mint condition.

Vegetarian Diss

Becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak.

Winter Dogs

Q: What are hot dogs called in winter? A: Chilly dogs

Fine Dining

A man told a friend about taking his wife to dinner for their anniversary. He described how the food was made in front of them. The friend said, “I’ve heard...

Ripe Eggs

My granddaughter told me, 
 “Don’t buy brown eggs; they’re not ripe yet.”

Pun Well Done

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

You Can’t Afford This Pun

Q: What’s the worst part about movie theater candy prices? A: They're always raisinet.

There’s an Old Saying…

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

So That’s Why They’re Red…

Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

You Butter Be Quiet

Q: Did you hear the one about the greedy peanut butter? A: I'm not telling you. You might spread it.

Never Trust a Veggie

Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

No Onion, No Cry

A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

This Plate is Hot

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese!

Park Your Buns

Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the poker table? A: Because he was on a roll.

Straight to the Glutes

Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A: To get better buns.

What’s the Quesa-deally-yo?

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

Halloween Math

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin pi

Sweet Romance

Q: Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? A: Because he couldn't find a date.

Can You MOOOoove?

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk.

The Hip Way To Eat

Q: How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog? A: Put it in a man bun.

“Come on, I’m a Fungi.”

Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow? A. As mushroom as possible.

Escar-DONT-go

Q: Why do French people eat snails? A: Because they won't touch fast food.

When Life Gives You Melons…

Q: What do you do when life gives you melons? A: See a doctor, because you’re probably dyslexic.