Weather Jokes

You won’t need an umbrella or snow boots for these winter jokes and summer jokes.

Don’t let the rain get you down! Our “it’s so cold” jokes and “it’s so hot” jokes will keep you laughing even through a thunderstorm.

South to Vermont

On a fishing trip to a remote lake in Northern Quebec, I asked the outfitter, “Do you stay here during the winter?” “No,” he said. “The snow gets too deep....

Getting sick

How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter!

Daylight Saving in Seattle

Q: What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle? A: An extra hour of rain

Lightening dates

Q: Where do lightning bolts go on dates? A: To Cloud 9

A Month’s Worth of Rain

Q: What do you call a month's worth of rain? A: England

Dangerous Precipitation

Q: What do you call dangerous precipitation? A: A rain of terror

A Mountain’s Favorite Candy

Q: What is a mountain's favorite type of candy? A: Snow caps

The Snowman’s Baby

Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!

The Lying Snowman

Q: What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales? A: A snow-fake!

A snowman’s lunch

Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Icebergers

Talk about a cold seat

Q: What do you get from sitting on the snow too long? A: Polaroids!

Eye of the Hurricane

Q: How does a hurricane see? A: With its eye.

Bees in the Rain

Q: Can Bees fly in the rain? A: Not without their yellow jackets.

Queen’s Rain

Q: What is a Queens favorite kind of precipitation? A: Reign!

Mexico Weather

Q: What is the Mexican weather report? A: Chili today and hot tamale.

Evaporating Raindrop

Q: What did the evaporating raindrop say? A: I'm going to pieces.

Roof Shingles

Q: What did the hail storm say to the roof? A: Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles.

Bear Caught in the Rain

Q: What do you call a wet bear? A: A drizzly bear

Seattle Rain

Q: What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? A: A weekend.

Umbrellas Up

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An Umbrella.

Sprinkling Rain

Q: What does it do before it rains candy? A: It sprinkles!

Rain Feast

Q: Why did the man use ketchup in the rain? A: Because it was raining cats and hot dogs

Raindrop Convo

Q: What did one raindrop say to the other? A: Two's company, three's a cloud

Rapper Rain

Q: Why does Snoop dog need an umbrella? A: Fo' Drizzle.

Horses and Weather

Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

Raining Money

Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is "change" in the weather.

King’s Rain

Q: What is a king's favorite kind of precipitation? A: Hail!

Weather Money

Q: Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open? A: Because she expected some change in the weather.

Horse vs Rain

Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

Foggy LA

Q: What happens when fog lifts in California? A: UCLA!

Thermometer Love

Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.

Tornado Cow

Q: Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado? A: Udder disaster!

Lightning Love

Q: What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt? A: You're shocking!

Lazy Weather

Q: What type of cloud is so lazy, because it will never get up? A: Fog!

Sport Strike

Q: What type of lightning likes to play sports? A: Ball lightning!

Weather Underwear

Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? A: Thunderwear!

Hurricane Vision

Q: How do hurricanes see? A: With one eye!

Snowman’s Savings

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In a snow bank.

Una LaMarche on Spring Fashion

No, I’m not walking on string-cheese stilts. These are just my first bare legs of the season. @sassycurmudgeon (Una LaMarche)

Tom Parry on Folk Wisdom

Red sky at night, shepherd’s 
delight. Blue sky at night, day. Humorist Tom Parry

Lew Schneider on Sunblock

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out. Lew Schneider

Winter Punderland

As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. I nodded...

How Hot Was It?

It was so hot in Beverly Hills, 
people were frying egg whites on the sidewalk. Comedian Matt Wohlfarth

Don’t Knock the Weather.

Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation. Kin Hubbard

Electricity is Really Just…

Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin

It’s Been Raining so Much in LA that…

It’s been raining so much in Los Angeles that the Chia Pet I threw in the garbage is now blocking my entire driveway. Jay Leno

If I’m on the Course and Lightning Starts…

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. Bob Hope

Why Does Moisture Destroy…

Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit...

Coastal Town Names

Concerned about what will happen to cities if the polar ice caps melt? Don’t be. New names have already been chosen. Atlantis City, New Jersey Pariscope, France Sail ‘Em, Massachusetts...

17 Warm-Weather Jokes for Summer

Hilarious moments from family vacations and beach excursions.

Climate Change

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo. So in other words,...

Out of It

When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer, "We haven’t had it for a while, and I doubt we’ll be getting it soon," I quickly assured the customer...

Other Emergency

Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of the car, in...

Spring Jokes – Silly About Spring

Laugh winter woes away with one of these witty springtime snippets!